Fanfiki

Czujesz, że masz twórczą wenę? Chcesz napisać opowiadanie, niekoniecznie dotyczące FF? Jeśli tak, to ta kategoria jest dla Ciebie.

Moderator: Moderatorzy

Awatar użytkownika
Boni
Dark Flan
Dark Flan
Posty: 2376
Rejestracja: sob 20 wrz, 2003 21:08
Lokalizacja: Z róży.
Kontakt:

Post autor: Boni »

Lol xD To rzeczywiście tylko drobna różnica :wink:

Anyway nie rezygnuj z pisania. S. King też nie miał łatwych początków.
glamorous vamp
Diann
Kupo!
Kupo!
Posty: 123
Rejestracja: wt 20 mar, 2007 16:05

Post autor: Diann »

Boni pisze:Lol xD To rzeczywiście tylko drobna różnica :wink:
Oh, poprostu nie piszę tylko na tym forum i tak jakoś mi się napisało :wink:
Anyway nie rezygnuj z pisania. S. King też nie miał łatwych początków.
Tak, Szapkowski też. Jego opowiadanie o Wiedźminie w pierwszym konkursie jakim brało udział zajęło tylko trzecie miejsce. A teraz co? Grę o nim zrobili :grin:
Awatar użytkownika
Go Go Yubari
Ifrit
Ifrit
Posty: 4619
Rejestracja: pn 20 gru, 2004 20:07
Lokalizacja: Gotham

Post autor: Go Go Yubari »

Diann nie tłumacz się, tylko popracuj nad stylem.
Awatar użytkownika
kilmindaro
Cactuar
Cactuar
Posty: 537
Rejestracja: pn 18 cze, 2007 21:39
Lokalizacja: Terra

Post autor: kilmindaro »

Przy "krytycznym" niemal rotfla zaliczyłem :D Jeśli piszesz na poważnie to mógłbym jeszcze zarzucić brak dokładniejszych opisów miejsc, postaci i przedmiotów. Jeśli chciałbyś zrobić z tego parodię to daj więcej lulzów :D

Wpiszcie sobie w googlach frazę: "worst fanfic ever". Albo kliknijcie tu: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2828044/1/My_Immortal Lulzy gwarantowane :D

Strona od lat 18.

[ Dodano: Sro 28 Lis, 2007 22:29 ]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y4OS6Kxawg - nawet na youtubie Faux News zamieściło reportaż o tym fanfiku
Awatar użytkownika
Lenneth
Moderator
Moderator
Posty: 2189
Rejestracja: sob 30 paź, 2004 11:53
Lokalizacja: W-wa

Post autor: Lenneth »

Lol, Kil, rzuciłam okiem i muszę stwierdzić, że ten fanfik nie jest wcale jakiś szczególny. :lol: Mary Sue o pięknym imieniu z fluorescencyjnymi włosami, A/N w środku narracji, super charakteryzacja i głębia fabuły, za to ortografia i grama nawet nie najgorsza, jak na amerykańskie standardy... Innymi słowy nic, czego bym wcześniej nie widziała w swojej wieloletniej karierze czytelniczki/recenzentki/pisarki fanfików. :lol:

Radzę przeczytać np. i kill you snap - to jest akurat zamierzona padoria, która jednak - niestety - dobrze odzwierciedla poziom niektórych fanfików, zwłaszcza z popularnych fandomów typu Harry Potter. (Od '10 reviews or i won't continue' po samą treść opka.)

A Mary Sue Alphabet na deser.

Ciekawym polecam także wygooglanie sobie np. terminu 'badfic' (znanego również jako 'Bad!fic') - wyskoczy m.in. ta strona.

* * *

Diann, odnośnie Twojego opowiadania: pierwszy rozdział znudził mnie po już po kilku akapitach - sorry, nie wypowiem się na jego temat, zwyczajnie przerwałam czytanie. (Aczkolwiek to znudzenie też o czymś świadczy.)
Poza tym nie lubię, kiedy autorzy fanfików silą się na uprawianie pseudo-filozofii (bah, mam nawet alergię na frazy typu 'sens istnienia'), bo z doświadczenia wiem, że rzadko któremu młodocianemu wanna-be twórcy to wychodzi.
Diann
Kupo!
Kupo!
Posty: 123
Rejestracja: wt 20 mar, 2007 16:05

Post autor: Diann »

ten fafnik idzie do kosza :<
wszystko z powodu ogłoszenia konkursu opowiadań na OUTPOST
wyrzucone zostaną "sny", do pewnego stopnia amnezja, dowiecie się więcej o głownym bohaterze (przykłądowo imię itp.), nowy tytuł, dzięki znajomemu opowiadanie dostanie okładkę ale w zasadzie głowny zarys fabularny zostanie, a no i w pierwszej części będzie wiadomo o co chodzi i co bohater chce zrobić, a wszystko wydane w formacie pdf żeby było ładniej :)
wszystkie zmiany zajdą przez ten konkurs no i przez to że po dwóch tygodniach n ie widzenia tekstu na oczy przeczytałem go raz jeszcze i wydał mi się ... badziewny :) ale i tak wytnę z niego trochę i dam do nowej wersji
Awatar użytkownika
Ababeb
Dark Flan
Dark Flan
Posty: 1244
Rejestracja: pn 25 kwie, 2005 15:12
Lokalizacja: Czwórmiasto

Post autor: Ababeb »

Half-Life: Full-life Consequences

John Freeman who was Gordon Freemans brother was one day in an office typing on a computer. He got an email from his brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.

John Freeman got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat. John Freeman got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go.

John Freeman ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon.

The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for John Freemans quest to help his brother where he was. John Freeman looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys".

John Freeman was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when John Freeman went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here John Freeman saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs.

"I cant give you my lisense officer" John Freeman said

"Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to John Freeman.

"Because you are headcrab zombie" so John Freeman shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster.

John Freeman had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Gordon needed him where he was. John Freeman looked at road signs and saw "Ravenholm" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here" so John Freeman almost turned around but heard screaming like Gordon so he went faster again.

John Freeman drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of John Freeman. John Freeman smiled and walked fast. John Freeman then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house.

John Freeman said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house" and John Freeman felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece.

Then John Freeman herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Ravenholdm was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs.

When John Freeman got to where the screaming was started from he found his brother Gorden Freeman fightin the final bosss and Gordon said "John Freeman! Over here!" so John Freeman went there to where Gordon Freeman was fighting. John Freeman fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see.

Gordon Freeman said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. John Freeman said "thanks i could help, bro" and Gordon Freeman said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed.

The laughed overed quickly though because John Freeman yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Gordon Freeman looked up and said "NOO! John Freeman run out of here fast as you can!" and John Freeman walked real fast out.

John Freeman loked back and saw Gordon get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry.

"I'll get you back evil boss!" John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs.

to be continued..?

[ Dodano: Pią 11 Kwi, 2008 21:08 ]
Half-Life: Full-life Consequences 2: What Has Tobe Done

John Freeman walked like speed of light back to his motorcycl and left behind the bad place behind him. John Freeman had to ride his motorcycle really fast back to the office but John Freemans gas ran out. John Freeman jumped fast off the motorcycle and landed on dead peoples hands.

"Gordon Freeman is now these hands... i must kill the next boss and live up to full-life consequences!" John Freeman said out loud.

John Freeman picked up a laser gun and aimed it at trees to see if he could. John Freeman shot and tree fell down in front of him. John Freeman seen eggs fall out of the tree and he put them back home safe.

"These birds dont have to see Gordon Freeman yet. its not time." John Freeman said to him.

John Freeman had to walked faster and was back at his office work and on a computer. He looked on the internet and found the next boss.

"I know his weakness now" John Freeman said. And after that he got emails from someone. John Freeman opened up the emails and read them.

"Dear John Freeman, how are you? I miss you at home come home safe and soon with Gordon Freeman for thanksgiving dinner. Love mom." John Freeman looked at it and got sad and yelled "I WILL KILL THE BOSS AND GORDON FREEMAN WILL BE HAPPY SOUL!" then he turned on off the computer and wet on the platform again down to his other more faster motorcycle that had gas in it this time.

John Freeman put the laser gun on his motorcycle and his machine gun and his rocket gun that he found on the side of the motorcycle. He went through traffic and went fast like litning to back to Ravenholm and back to the bad place where Gordon Freeman was. John Freeman went off road and did backflips and landed on back wheels but kept going too.

John Freeman went really fast again like before and was soon back again at Ravenholm but saw more zombie goasts. John Freeman said to them "Zombie goasts i have killed your friends at the old house and i dont want to shoot your heads. move near the countrysides and you will be friends of John Freeman." The zombie goasts said that "no we will kill you" and walked fast to John Freemans motorcycle. John Freeman waited until they were in front of his motorcycle and backflipped off his bars and shot heads below and landed and walked fast to where the next boss was.

"you will be one of us!" yelled the dead zombie goasts. John Freeman laughed and shot a rocket at them.

John Freeman saw the next boss far down the road and walked slow this time. He walked really slow like a turtle and sat down on a rock and watched the next boss near the dead last boss and where the place that Gordon Freeman was. The next boss was laughing at John Freeman so John Freeman said "YOU WILL NOT LAUGH AT ME!" and shot a rocket at him since that was his weakness.

The next boss died and John Freeman was happy. He walked over to the dead bosses and put them under the ground and planted pants on them so instead of messy dirt and dark there was pretty things there now to be happy.

John Freeman walked to where Gordon Freeman was lying dead and crushed from the next bosss feet and looked down. A tear droped out of John Freemans eye and landed on Gordon Freeman.

"You are dead bro and i killed the evil boss." John Freeman told Gordon Freeman

Then John Freeman saw something bad. A headcrab was on Gordon Freeman! Gordon Freeman standed up and said "John Freeman... you got here slow and now i am zombie goast. you will pay..."

to be continued...?

-----------------

FFVII: Story of Rain Strife

Rain Strife who was Cloud Strifes brother was one day near Midgar in a city that was small called Strifetown were Cloud Strife was born in and Rain Strife too. Rain Strife was littler then Cloud Strife so he couldnt join Barret and Tifa so he stayed home and stayed. Rain Strife was pracktising so he could one day do it like Cloud Strife and that is the time when it happened when comets came down to Strifetown and killd people in Strifetown and Rain Strifes parents who were Cloud Strifes parents too.

The comets came and killd people in Strifetown and Midgar and every where else and people said really loud "Help us some body soon" and Rain Strife heard it so he went. Rain Strife traveled fast to where loud sounds come from to help them out there. They said all together "Help Rain Strife we are hurting" and Rain Strife said back "I will help you if your hurting" and Rain Strife blew out fire and pickd up some comet off people and bandaided them to health. Then Rain Strife yelled out loud real loud "Sephiroth stop or i make you stop!" and traveled faster to were Sephiroth is.

Rain Strife went traveled over the lands and hills and ground and water and wanted to stop Sephiroth to make him stop hurting people in Strifetown and all other towns in Fantasyworld. Rain Strife stopped at other places and said "All people i will stop Sephiroth and help the people until I do" and the people of Fantasyworld said "Thank you Rain Strife save us like Cloud Strife did before" so he went. On the way to Sephiroths castle in the sky Rain Strife had fight and battle bad guys on the way there. Rain Strife traveled and then BOOM there was fight and Rain Strife had to fight but he didnt have members to help Rain Strife yet so Rain Strife did it himself. The bad guy was like a tree but had wings and fire came out so Rain Strife had to duck alot. Rain Strife went SLASH fast and SLASH cut tree in parts and fell a part and died fast so Rain Strife did win dance and kept traveling faster.

Rain Strife went over hill and saw town and went and he got in and saw bad things puncing people in town so Rain Strife said "STOP!" and fighted them and won them and did win dance and kept talking to see what happen. People in town said "Sephiroth came" and Rain Strife said "NO SEPHIROTH NOT THIS TIME!" and screamed to sky. Then a balck guy with gun on hands said "I help you Rain Strife in to fight Sephiorth in the sky" so Rain Strife said "Thanks you black guy you are in quest" and Rain Strife and black guy with gun hands left town to fight Sephiroth. Rain Strife and black guy talked on the way to travel there to see what happen to them. Black guy said Sephiroth comets came to his town and killed all the family in his house so black guy wanted to kill Sephiroth back. Rain Strife told black guy about Strifetown and all happened so black guy said "I help you more" because the story was sad.Rain Strife and black guy kept going then all of a sudden BOOM again and a other fight came. Black guy said "This is my fight this time" and shot the bad guys with wepon hands and bad guys said "AHH NO SPEHIROTH WER SORRY WE DIE!" and disapeard so black guy and Rain Strife did win dance and music came when they dance then they kept going. Rain Strife and black guy kept travel on the path then they saw a big city on fire and said "Oh no" both together because it was an important city on fire and Rain Strife and black guy said "We need to help fast!" and ran there but something bad happened!

to be continued...?

[ Dodano: Pią 07 Lis, 2008 22:32 ]
Quarter-Life: Halfway to Destruction

ATUHOR'S NOSE:
Uncycylopedia (which is online encyclopidia like wikiped) said I was writing story called Quarter-Life: Halfway to Destruction and dontn't know where come but I decide to write anyway.

CHAPTER ONE: WHAT IT MEANS
Gordon Freechmen was studying in his was studying laboratoried.
Fellow scientist cow-orker Jimm said "Gordon Freemant what are you working on"
"UI have discovered new radoactive isatope but it is so vollatile that it does not have a half-life but quarter-life so we must observe with hasty"
Juts then a headcrab went on Jimms head OH NO WHERE DID HEADCRAB COME FROM! GHordon wents to get his crowbarb ut it was missing so hhad to borrow a claymore sword. He hits teh headcrab and Jimm was okay but his head was cut
"Watch where you swings at me just kidding thanks"
" HAha" They laughed
"Whait oh no where id isotop?"
"UIt is been stoled!"

CHAPTER TWO: THEY REVOCER TEH ISOTROPE BUT THEY DON'T
Gordon and Jimm arrived at teh alien scene where a bad guy from the game said "I have take the isotope and it will cause meltdown!"
"NO, NOT ALL OF DALLAS!" Which swas target of where they were and it was nice place and my friend lives there.
"IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO MY DEMANS"
"TOO LATE" and the isotope hit quarterlife and teh room was slowly become vaporize
"Ew must escapes out of here fastly" but Jimm was already blowed to smitheroons.

CHAPTER THREE: DESTRUACTION IS IMMINANT
"This is Gordon Freeman how do we contain teh meltdown? I know!"
And he used portals to push henemy headquarters into a portal so Dallas wouldnt melt down and it would only go off harmless in Atlantic ocean.
"Hooray I scucceeded at winning the mission"
"Not so fast, Mr. Gordon"

What happens next? You deiside!

Tahnks for reading please buy my book at peterchimaera .com i am poor :(
The Schrödinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrödinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats
Awatar użytkownika
kilmindaro
Cactuar
Cactuar
Posty: 537
Rejestracja: pn 18 cze, 2007 21:39
Lokalizacja: Terra

Post autor: kilmindaro »

The Salvation War

Jedno z ciekawszych czytadł jakie kiedykolwiek dane było mi czytać.

Fabuła w skrócie wygląda następująco: Yahwe ogłasza ludziom że bramy nieba są zamknięte, i to od pary stuleci, i żeby ludzie położyli się i umarli. Szatan ogłasza reszcie ocalałych, że obejmuje ziemię we władanie i wszyscy będą cierpieć wieczne katusze, i posyła swych heraldów do największych miast by głosili jak wszystko jest stracone i ludzkość może już rozpaczać. Część (10-20 %) ludzi faktycznie usłuchała się Yahwego i umarła. Rządy świata niezadowolone z takiego obrotu spraw, uwaga, wypowiadają wojnę piekłu, i na wszelki wypadek niebu. Heraldzi, potężne demony, zostają hojnie obdarowani ołowiem i zubożonym uranem. Szatan, zdziwiony że są problemy, wysyła armię wielkiego demona Abigora by zmiotła ludzkość z powierzchni ziemi. Wielka brama prosto do piekła otwiera się na pustyniach Iraku i potężna armia licząca 400.000 biesów, największa do tej pory wysłana by stłamsić opór, wyłania się by siać rozpacz i zniszczenie. Problem w tym, że my mamy czołgi. I artylerię, wsparcie powietrzne, komunikację i całą ludzkość zrzeszoną w jednym celu: dokopać diabłom, aniołom i każdemu komu będzie trzeba. Potem jest nawet jeszcze lepiej.

Opowiadanie zawiera epickie bitwy, starcie prymitywnej i zaawansowanej cywilizacji, problemy natury etycznej, powtórki z Sodomy i Gomory oraz ekskomunikę Yahwego. I wiele wiele więcej.

Jestem w trakcie czytania (wszystko po angielsku) i stwierdzam że lubię to dzieło.

Link prowadzi do tematu w którym są dalsze odnośniki po poszczególnych fragmentów.

http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic. ... highlight=

Polecam.
Ostatnio zmieniony czw 25 mar, 2010 01:00 przez kilmindaro, łącznie zmieniany 1 raz.
Awatar użytkownika
Klaudia
Kupo!
Kupo!
Posty: 2
Rejestracja: ndz 23 sie, 2009 14:26

Post autor: Klaudia »

witam wszystkich!

zapoznałąm się z fanfikami tu zamieszczonymi ( są świetne!) ;)
i ja mam włanego f-ficka o final fantasy vii konkretnie advent children.
jakby ktoś chciał to daję linka:
www.shm-the-last-advent-children.blog.onet.pl :lol:
wiem, że pewnie myślicie, ze jakać dziewczynka wbija się poza temat by tylko dać linka, ale naprawdę mam nadzieję że ktoś uzna moją działalność.

Ja mam wenę to piszę.

dzięki z góry i z dołu :smile:
Ja zawsze kochać Advent Children
Awatar użytkownika
Go Go Yubari
Ifrit
Ifrit
Posty: 4619
Rejestracja: pn 20 gru, 2004 20:07
Lokalizacja: Gotham

Post autor: Go Go Yubari »

Pierwsze wrażenie? Twojego fanfika czyta się trochę jak scenariusz filmowy. Krótkie, konkretne zdania, dialogi także (do czasu). Piszę konkretne, nie piszę, że dobre. Wiele powtórzeń, literówki...
"Przypomniała jej się jej obietnica samej sobie."
"stwierdziła, że dużo spędza przy komputerze."

Czy czytasz to co napiszesz przed opublikowaniem? Bo odnoszę wrażenie, że po prostu piszesz i wrzucasz. Word, osoba starsza z doświadczeniem etc. jest wiele sposobów na sprawdzenie wartości literackiej opowiadania.

"Poszła tam. Najpierw poczekała chwilkę pod drzwiami. " Dlaczego? To pierwsze co mi przyszło do głowy. Dlaczego postanowiła nie wchodzić? O ile w filmie to przejdzie, to opowiadanie musi zawierać pewne treści. Nic się nie dzieje bez przyczyny. Czytający musi wiedzieć o co chodzi. "Pomyślała", "postanowiła", zastanowiła się". DLACZEGO?

"XD" jest uznawaną w sieci emotką, jednak czy zdarzyło Ci się kiedykolwiek spotkać z nią w książce? W porządnych fanfikach, tez ich nie znajdziesz. Nie można zastępować opisu reakcji emotką. Nie na tym polega literatura.

"Przejechała wzrokiem po synach." . . . dobrze, że nie walnęłaś się i nie wyszło "szynach".

Dotarłam do mega długiego dialogu, który z miłą chęcią sobie darowałam.

Tło dla tekstu zmęczyło mi oczy. Ramka na tekst jest wąska, przez co treść jest bardziej zbita, co także nie sprzyja czytaniu.

Długa droga przed Tobą. Good luck.
Awatar użytkownika
Ababeb
Dark Flan
Dark Flan
Posty: 1244
Rejestracja: pn 25 kwie, 2005 15:12
Lokalizacja: Czwórmiasto

Post autor: Ababeb »

Half-Life: Hero Beggining

In the future the world was dark and scarry. One day Combines came and noone knew why. Combines were robot things that werent robots with ugly faces and sometimes glowing eyes and slaved people in the city and made them angry and sad. Henry Freeman who was living in the city and with his mom said "mom why are Combines here" and she said "Henry Freeman Combines are from science and outter space and hate humens."

Henry Freeman realy hated Combines because they beat up every one and Henry Freeman hated it. "mom why are they beating up that girl!" Henry Freeman said to his mom. "Because she is humen Henry Freeman, and they are evil Combines" Henry Freemans mom said back.

"Hey you Combines stop beating her up you evil guys!" Henry Freeman yelled loud at them. "Shut up kid or you will pay!" the Combines said and aimed there lazer guns at Henry Freemans head. "Combines dont aim your lazers!" yelled mom then the Combines shot her and laughed "Ha ha stupid humen girl with no head" they said with smiles.

Henry Freeman grabed his moms hand and said "mom you were beautiful soul and Combines will pay." "Henry Freeman no get out of here fast as you can..." Henry Freemans mom said and died. Then Henry Freeman grabbed a wepon and shot the Combines in the heart and said "this is not over."

The people around Henry Freeman cheerd and smiled and said "good job Henry Freeman we hate those Combines!" Combines made people fraid and when Henry Freeman killed them it gave them hop.

"Combines we are not scarred no more!" said Henry Freeman and every one around Henry Freeman said "YEAH!" and grabbed lazer guns and rocks. Henry Freeman and the people walked fast like waves and went towards to the Combine tower that was big like the sky.

"Where do you humen think you are going?" a big Combine army with lots of striders said.

"To send you back to science and outter space!" Henry Freeman yelled with mad "ATTACK THE COMBINES!" Henry Freeman yelled again.

The war was going and blowing things up when Henry Freeman saw a gravity gun on the ground. "Combines it is time to do what has to be done and live up to my family name" Henry Freeman wispered with head down.

The Combines were shoting people and steping on them with stiders and people were shooting lazer guns back and killing them sometimes. Explosions like 10 times of the sun went around Henry Freeman but Henry Freeman didnt care.

"Humen kind is losing and I need to help" Henry Freeman said. Then a big rocket came down and blew a guys arm off and legs and head and killed other people too.

Henry Freeman saw the dead going on all around. The Combine were to strong and big but Henry Freeman didnt care neither. Henry Freeman put the gravity gun on and started to throw striders and at buildings. The bildings fell and made dust and smoke and blinded Combines so Henry Freeman culd use the gravity gun to throw them into the sky realy high and make them squish.

The people were wining but then glowing things went in the sky and Combines came out. "Henry Freeman we have to go out of here!" a guy said to Henry Freeman. "No they are all every where!" another guy said.

"You are surounded prepair to die" the dark man said.

Henry Freeman lookd around. Combines with lazer guns were there. Henry Freeman knew if humens lost now it would be sad for ever.

"FIGHT" Henry Freeman yelled.

People runned toward the Combines to kill them and the Combines were going to shoot all the people in a second when a brite light came in teh sky. A shiny thing like the Combines came from opend in the sky and a guy came out.

"Combines leave my son alone" John Freeman said.

to be continued...?

--------------------------

Half-Life Full-life Consequences: Free Man

John Freeman backfliped out of the sky and landed besides Henry Freeman. Henry Freeman looked at John Freeman in the eyes and cry falled out and said "Dad mom has dead". John Freeman went sad at the ground then moved head real fast up.

"COMBINES YOU KILLD WIFE?" John Freeman said with growls.

"Yes John Freeman" the dark man said after "Henry Freemans mom is shot in head" the dark man said again.

"I loved wife like sun raise... DARK MAN YOU WILL SUFFAR!" John Freeman ponted and yelled.

John Freeman jumpd in to sky with kicks and hit dark man and the dark mans mask ript off and John Freeman seed ugly Combine face but it looked like humen tooo. the dark man scrumbled back to Combines and Combines went to shoot John Freeman but Henry Freeman throwed granaid for John Freeman to shot them in faces.

"Son take people and leave the city its time I have to kill the enemys and make evil go away from here forrest of time!" John Freeman said to Henry Freeman and people.

"John Freeman we fight!" people said and didnt go no where.

"Dad humens have to fight for freedome!" Henry Freeman said and didnt go no where neither.

John Freeman was fraid for first time. He didnt want nothing to happen to Henry Freeman because Henry Freeman was John Freeman saw Combines start to run like monsters to humens and Henry Freeman and saw Henry Freeman and humens run like brave to Combines. John Freeman got quiet then dropped wepon and said "I have to kill fast and bullets too slow" and started killing Combines with bear hands.

John Freeman was killing Combines and barking necks and humens and Henry Freeman was behind shooting at Combines at front. Now Combines got scarred and ranned back to the dark man who was at the door to the big tower that was big onto the sun and went around the dark man and got redy to fight again. then the dark man pressed the button that made the big tower glow and smoke.

"John Freeman you let next boss step on me and made me headcrab zombie. Combines came and put science in me and made me live and strong and big now I make you and Henry Freeman headcrab zombie. Prepair to die" Gordon Freeman said.

"Gordon Freeman you are my bro and I killed next boss. Combines science is bad and made you tricked bro stop the button and glowing." John Freeman said.

"NO!" Gordon Freeman angered back.

Gordon Freeman teleportaled to John Freeman and hit him with crow bar and John Freeman tried to grabe it but couldnt so he punched Gordon Freeman instead. John Freeman and Gordon Freeman was fighting for life and death when the Combines and humens started shoting each other again. Henry Freeman got in front of humens and saw the tower smoke and glow more and more like litning clouds.

Henry Freeman shout "It will explod!" so Henry Freeman and the people shot bullets and bombs at Combines so humen kind could press the botton and make it stop. Then Henry Freeman went to a Combines car and shoot all the Combines in it and went to the top and used the torret gun. Henry Freeman made the torret gun shoot Combines and bullets cut them in two and half.

Henry Freeman kept shooting Combines and the rest of humens got closer and closer to button to stop it. The Combines shot at the humens and made some die but no one cared becaus they had to do it. Then Combines started coming out of the hug tower to stop the humens. There was too much Combines and humens couldnt go to the button no more and the tower was all smoke and glow now expect for a little bit.

John Freeman knew it was too late and humens couldnt stop button. John Freeman had barley time but was still fighting Gordon Freeman.

"Bro it is time Im sorry" John Freeman said to Gordon Freeman.

"time for you to die John Freeman!" Gordon Freeman said back.

"No bro" John Freeman said then kicked Gordon Freeman in teh part of the face that was like Combines.

The science flew off Gordon Freemans face and landed and blowed up in a boom and Gordon Freeman stood and fall. "Bro.." Gordon Freeman said so John Freeman got closer to the ground like Gordon Freeman.

"Combines made me tricked bro Im sorry" Gordon Freeman said.

"I know bro but you are hero" John Freeman said back to comfart Gordon.

"Save humens and Henry Freeman" Gordon Freeman said quiet like pain and breathed slower and slower

John Freeman had Gordon Freeman and saw eyes shut and the breath stoped but Gordon Freeman had smiles on face.

John Freeman let go Gordon Freeman and went up back on his feet and loked his head around and saw trees and aminals and humens then looked at glowy tower and knew what has to be done. "Son and people get back!" John Freeman said out real loud so Henry Freeman frontflipped off torret and went with people back to John Freeman and ducked bullets and rackets.

"Son take people on motorcycle and leave city. Make people safe son and nothing happen to them." John Freeman said to Henry Freeman.

"But dad I fight!" Henry Freeman said.
"No son go with people" John Freeman said so Henry Freeman and humens went on motorcycle.

Henry Freeman started on motorcycl and started to go but slow becaus he didnt want to. the Combines saw and said "STOP THE HUMENS!" and went charge at motorcycle.

John Freeman walked to wards Combines and made fists with hands. John Freeman punchd and hit Combines in front but all Combines in back shot rockets and masheen guns. a Rocket hit John Freeman but he got up and killed more Combines then a Combine went at John Freemans back and stabed him but John Freeman got nife out and stabbed Combine in brane. Combines got close and hit John Freeman body with bullets but John Freeman kicked Combines back.

John Freeman kept fighting Combines and put head up to tower and saw it go brite and break then turned around in last second and saw motorcycle in far off safe place and was happy. Henry Freeman and the people in the motorcycle saw the tower go like millon stars and fire and loud noises then the people went down but Henry Freeman kept going and didnt say nothing.

After the world was nice and humens had new city and happy because the Combines was gone and nobody was slave or sad. President Henry Freeman and people and animals and earth had peace and in the middle of new city was a statue that said "John Freeman Saver of Humens"

THE END

-----------------------------------

QUARTER-LIFE: Origin of Doom

AUHTORS NOSTE

I may not be suirrlking but i apreciet his werk so i decide to write prequel to Full Life Consequences which wuld make bond between Quarter-Life and the Full Life Consiquences saga. Thanks for reading!

CHAPTER 1- THE EVIL INSID

"NOT SO FAST MR GORDON", said guy in suite. "you are not finished yet. you have job to do" and then Gordon was teleportaled in city 17 and saw humens getting killed by combines. "final boss, you will pay for what you did to humens." Gordon yelled to giant screen where final baos was " You will face full life consequences for what you didd!" Gordon yelled and jumped into buggie car and went to find evil boss.

CHAPTER 2- FIRST ENCONTUR

he went fast but was stoped by police man who was actually combine. "your dirver lisense, give me it!" combine said. suddenly, a headcrab jumped out of nowhere and started to eat combine face. "not this again!" gordon yelled and drived away, but his wepon fell out of backpack to on the road. gordon now only has crowarb, but he dontn't cared because he had to save humens. "fate of humens rests on my sholders!", gordon said to himself and drived fast to final boss.

CHAPTER 3- THEY ALL DEAD

frechmen stoped at ravensholm to get gas for buggie, but saw all villagers trying to kill alyx, his wife. he wanted to yell "stop", but was too late and alyx deaded. Gordon got shocked and furious and killed everyone in village. he went to sign that said "ravenholm" and wrote "u sudnt come here" on it and drived to final boss. goasts flew out of all ded bodis and they were sad because they were slaves to ravenholm now. gordon went on buggie as fast as he could, but saw cliff and falled down. "aaaah!", he saidd and hit graund. gordon went uncoscios.

CHAPTER 4- PRELUED TO DESTINY

juts then the guy in suit appered and talked " final boss is in place you loves most" and then gordon waked up and thoughted "final boss is in my house!" and he walked fastly to where he was. gordon was shoked because his hause was gone and final boss was standing and laghing. "haha, thats for destroying my tower, you foole!" yelled final boss. "thanks to yor isatope not only could i build new huger tower but also you destroyed ravenholme!" he continud. "whut?!" asked gordon. "you portaled isatope to ravenholms and villager brains were damagd!" final boss said. "what have you set up too?!" gordon freeman said with frown on face. "next boss heis near here! you will soon die, gordon! everything goed just as i planed!" yeled final boss with laughs on face and started shoting rackets at freemant. gordon backflipped and hided behind trees, took his communicator and wrote email:

"to:

topic:haelp bro

bro, aliens and monsters are attacking my place

"

and clicked "send".

[ Dodano: Nie 21 Mar, 2010 18:47 ]
Tym razem coś w innym stylu: The Last Stand of Cirno the Valiant. Krótko ujmując, autor uczynił "darker and edgier" wersję świata przedstawionego nie czyniąc z tego czegoś w stylu WH40k. Niezgorsza interpretacja postaci nadużywanej niczym Chuck Norris, walka o wolność, równość, honor i.t.p. Niestety, sam materiał źródłowy fanfiku prawdopodobnie odrzuci większość normalnych czytelników. Deviantów też.
The Schrödinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrödinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats
Garai

A Story...

Post autor: Garai »

Pierwsza próba napisania czegoś na szybko...:)


- Mistrzu już starczy...nie mam siły - wydyszał chłopiec
- Ćwiczymy zaledwie 15 minut - odpowiedział
- Wiem ale już nie mogę, nie wiem co mi jest. Możemy zrobić przerwę?
- Masz 5 minut, potem dalej wracamy do treningu - rzekł mistrz
Był niski i stary, swojemu uczniowi dosięgał do klatki piersiowej. Włosy, a właściwie tylko długi warkocz,
miał koloru srebrzystobiałego. Powiewał żwawo przy wietrze, czasem uderzając o jego pomarszczone policzki.
Brwi o tym samym kolorze były gęste, i krzaczaste. Srebrzysta broda ciągnęła się do końca szyi i
spięta była czarną tasiemką. Dostrzec można było na niej jakieś malutkie japońskie złote znaki.
Ubrany w długie spodnie z podartymi nogawkami, jedna urwana była przy kolanie druga trochę dłuższa postrzępiona
u dołu. Góra ubrania, również przewiewna jak spodnie, gdzieniegdzie podziurawiona i postrzępiona na rękawach. Była
brudna, kiedyś może była biała. Pas związany na biodrach, powiewał podczas poruszania się i podmuchu wiatru.
Siedział teraz na pobliskim kamieniu i palił długa fajkę. Było piękne słoneczne popołudnie, wokoło zielono od trawy i zakwitłej roślinności.
- Gotowy? - spytał swojego ucznia
- Palisz teraz fajkę Mistrzu, może poczekamy aż skończysz - odpowiedział chłopiec
- Gotowy!!??
Chłopiec lekko się przestraszył i długo nie myśląc - by nie zezłościć mistrza - wykrzyczał:
- Tak!
Świsnęło, w miejscu gdzie stal kamień chłopiec zauważył tylko spadająca w powietrzu fajkę, która po chwili upadla
na ziemie. Nie zdarzył się zorientować jak jakąś dłoń chwyciła go za nadgarstek, pociągnęła z wielka siła i wyrzuciła
daleko w przeciwna stronę. Chłopiec w powietrzu wykonał obrót i upadł na ziemie jak kot na cztery łapy, ślizgając się po
jej powierzchni jeszcze kilka metrów pod wpływem użytej wobec niego siły. Gdy udało mu się zatrzymać, podniósł głowę
i spojrzał na swojego nauczyciela. Ten stal nieruchomo w odległości kilkunastu metrów od niego. Jego wargi wykrzywiły
się w lekkim uśmiechu.
- Całkiem nieźle - oznajmił - pokażesz mi coś jeszcze?
Chłopiec wstał. Na sobie miął czarny podkoszulek i długie szare spodnie. Włosy czarne i długie, lecz nie zwisające, wręcz
przeciwnie, były sterczące we wszystkie strony, z kilkoma pojedynczymi kosmykami opadającymi na czoło. Oczy koloru zielonego,
z bystrym spojrzeniem. Na głowie miął czerwona opaskę, z supłem z prawej strony głowy i długimi, dwoma zwisającymi paskami.
Na dłoniach skórzane, krótkie, czarne rękawiczki, które bardzo lubił, z wypalonymi japońskimi znakami na zewnętrznej stronie.
- Może i szybko się męczę, ale będę nad tym pracował... - rzekł chłopiec - nie uważaj mnie za takiego słabeusza Mistrzu.
- Wcale tak nie myślę - odpowiedział mistrz
Chłopiec lekko opuścił głowę, spojrzał zawadiacko na postać stojąca przed nim. I znów świsnęło, obaj zniknęli ze swoich
poprzednich miejsc, po czym pojawili się jeden przed drugim. Obaj skrzyżowali pięści, wyprowadzali ciosy rękoma i nogami,
żaden nie mógł trafić rywala. Co chwile było słychać odgłosy zderzania się potężnych ciosów i świstu ubrań podczas uników.
Po chwili obaj odskoczyli, Mistrz stanął prosto, nie było po nim widać żadnych oznak zmęczenia. Chłopak zgięty
w pół - ledwie trzymając się na nogach - ciężko dyszał. Mistrz przyglądał się jemu, po czym zbystrzał, i otworzył szerzej
oczy ze zdziwienia. Chłopiec łapiąc ciężko oddech, powoli się prostował. Jego oczy pojaśniały, w porównaniu ze stanem
poprzednim teraz żarzyły się bladoniebiesko. Włosy i opaska powiewały szaleńczo podczas mocniejszego wiatru. Teraz
chłopak stojąc prosto patrzył się na swojego nauczyciela, a wzdłuż jego ciała co jakiś czas przepływały wyładowania elektryczne,
kumulowały się w dłoniach i znikały.
- Tego chyba jeszcze nie widziałeś Mistrzu - oznajmił chłopiec
- Owszem, widziałem, twój ojciec też mi to pokazywał, lecz problem tkwił w tym ze nie umiał nad tym zapanować, dlatego zginał - odpowiedział mistrz
Chłopiec wyraźnie się zdenerwował ostatnim zwrotem Mistrza. Zacisnął pięści, jego oczy wypełniała teraz energia elektryczna, prąd przechodził
przez całe jego ciało powodując na nim małe cięte rany. Tracił panowanie nad sobą, w końcu zamachnął się i z całej siły uderzył pięścią w ziemie. Uderzenie
było tak potężne, że ziemia popękała w pobliżu, a wokół chłopca utworzył się krater szeroki na 2 metry. Chłopak zdołał spojrzeć jeszcze na swojego nauczyciela,
chwiejąc się na nogach, upadł na kolana i zemdlał...
ODPOWIEDZ

Wróć do „Fanfiction & fanarts”